Randomness in the Forests of Silence
by Dana-Lith
Summary: Just a random load of rubbish I wrote whilst in the midst of a severe sugarhigh...lol it's funny so R'n'R and ill write more...oh yeh, rated T cos i intend to swear in later chapters XD ON PERMANENT HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

Leif lay peacefully on the cool forest floor, feeling the soft grass brush against his face…_wait,_ he thought suddenly, _Grass!! But grass grows on the ground!! And I'm in a tree...aren't I?_ Reluctantly he cracked open an eyelid. It was dark, he was lying on the ground in a muddled pile of leaves and blankets, above him he could here muffled laughter and someone singing a song…badly. Groaning he rolled over and sat up. _What the hell…? This isn't where we camped!_ He stared around himself in a dazed panic. The entire scenery had changed. Instead of the foreboding trees of the Forests of Silence he was staring at tall, shapely white trunks which ended in golden leaves. Taking all this in with good grace and sharp wit Leif then did the only logical thing…he took a deep breath and bawled at the top of his lungs,

"WHITE CATS LIKE CHEESE!!" he blinked in surprise. That wasn't what he meant to say…but it seemed to have silenced that annoying laughter so he didn't really care. Deciding to have another go he yelled into the impassive wood, "MY MOTHER IS A MOOSE!!"

Suddenly a large white rabbit appeared out of no-where wearing a revolting chequered waistcoat, to Leif's amazement it pulled out a large golden pocket watch. Squeaked in terror and began to run off singing as it went,

"I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date! No time to say Hello! Goodbye! I'm late! I'm late! I'm late!" Leif stared in wonder as it disappeared down a hole in the ground that he could've **sworn** wasn't there five seconds ago. He was even more surprised when a small blonde-haired girl tumbled out of the trees and crashed straight into him, "Mussel-fish like snakes?" he asked her in concern but she didn't seem to hear him. She just plunged straight down the hole, which promptly vanished with a large 'POP!'

Feeling more confused and afraid than ever Leif huddled miserably in his pile of wet blankets _How did they get wet?_ He mused. Suddenly the clearing was lit by a blinding white glow. When it subsided Leif found himself confronted by two people dressed in white with pointy ears holding hands. The male one looked around absently and Leif idly wondered if he was blind as he addressed a non-existent crowd,

"Eight there are here yet nine there where set out from Rivindell…" Leif took the brief pause as an opportunity to catch the attention of the pretty lady by the crazy mans side to inform her of her companions mental instability,

"Golden geese stole my brain to wash clothes on." He told her solemnly but she ignored him as the blonde-haired doofus beside her wittered on about wanting to talk to some weirdo called 'Grand-Alf'. Deciding that he'd had quite enough of this weirdness Leif rose and said in scornfully regal tones, "The toads shall host a grand garden party and YOU'RE not invited!!" with that he turned on his heel and stormed off to search for his friends.

-

**Hehehehe please not that this was written under the influence of a sugar-high and is un-edited madness!! o.O sugar's invaded my brain!!!!!!! Anyways do tell me what you think…or if you just want to know what the hell is supposed to be happening XD**


	2. Chapter 2

Leif pushed his way valiantly through the thick bushes – _wait…thick bushes?_ _Wasn't it tall white trees a second ago?_ Leif thought in bemusement. As if it's heard his thoughts, the forest suddenly morphed back into the strange golden-leaved place it had been before with what Leif could've sworn was an embarrassed cough coming from a particularly dense patch of trees. Eyes narrowing in suspicion he headed towards to grove. That Narrator watched him in growing panic from her hiding place among the bushes and, in desperation not to get caught just as she'd begin to have fun, unleashed upon the unsuspecting character the first thing that came into her tiny mind.

With a noise like twenty jet planes taking off at once thirteen thousand golden chickens zoomed out of the wood, the lead chicken plucking Leif up in it's gargantuan beak as it passed.

"Origami paper is to cheese what mice are to rabbits!!" he cried desperately as he was flung up in the air, only to land snugly on the purple and red polka-dotted back of the chicken…It was only five minutes later, when he stopped going into Cardiac Arrest that Leif realised the strange spotty thing was not, in fact, the chickens back. That's right; all thirteen thousand chickens were dressed in purple and red polka-dot tutus. Shrugging Leif wondered aloud, "Laughing equals pizza?" and much to his surprise the chicken upon whose back he was sitting squawked in reply,

"The queen of the bumblebees is having a banquet, and we're all invited!" Leif gaped at this statement, getting a strange feeling of deja-vu as he remembered to events of the previous chapter…

With a sudden screech of claws scrabbling on polished marble and many indignant squawks the chickens suddenly skidded to a halt in front of a tacky Disney-themed castle which had obviously been designed by someone on crack who had an unhealthy obsession with pink. Leif found himself spread-eagled on the cold floor, having been thrown there unceremoniously during the poultry pile-up. Standing up and dusting himself down he wandered past the sleeping guards into the art-deco style entrance hall. He stared in awe at the thousands of people who were milling about in the eight by ten metre room and wondered at the fact that so many people could fit in such a small space and still have room to spare.

A commotion over on the other side of the hall drew his attention and he absentmindedly wandered over to watch the conflict in growing fascination. A small boy, maybe thirteen or fourteen, with pale skin, red eyes and weird black hair that looked like a ducks behind seemed to be trying (and failing) to threaten an impassive young man slightly older than Leif with the same white skin and freaky red eyes – though thankfully not the same hair – and a _really _odd dress sense. Leif rolled his eyes, _honestly_, he thought disparagingly, _with a figure like his he should be wearing A-line things, not that dreadful baggy black dress he has on…and the pattern is simply terrible! So last season!_

-

**Hmm…so Leif's a fashionista now, eh? Don't ask…**

**Disclaimer: Don't own – don't sue.**

**IMPORTANT! For every person that reads this and doesn't review…a small African orphan is shot repeatedly in the head. Click the purple button at the bottom of the screen and help end this cruelty! XD **


	3. Character Parade

Dragging his attention away from the warring boys-with-no-fashion-sense Leif continued to survey the grand hall dubiously, just where was this place

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!! PLEASE DON'T KILL MEEEEEEEE!! I didn't mean to take so long to update! Honest! But my computer is broken so I had to write this on my friend's computer… (Ducks rotten fruit and irate comments) I'm sorry! I'll update sooner next time! I promise!

Oh yeah…disclaimer, I don't own dis.

-

Dragging his attention away from the warring boys-with-no-fashion-sense Leif continued to survey the grand hall dubiously, just where was this place? His eyes slipped over many strange and…slightly disturbing sights. In one corner of the gargantuan structure a seemingly random gaggle of teenagers holding strange conical objects. One of the teens, a boy with _blue_ hair and a dress sense almost as bad as the two other males he'd just observed who, frankly, looked like a walking coca-cola adverts. _'Wait a minute…'_ he thought with a bemusement which quickly turned to horror, _'what the hell is co-ca-co-la?!'_ Shrugging the worrying thoughts from his consciousness he looked back at the strange blue-haired boy, who was now apparently embroiled in a strange kind of fight with another boy whose hair was obnoxiously yellow including the weird conical things they'd been holding earlier.

Leif sighed and looked away, _'is everyone in this hall fighting or something?' _he thought disparagingly. Letting his eyes drift over the crowds he silently observed the thronging multitudes. His gaze rested briefly on a man dressed like a clown, with pale blond hair that had bright blue feather in it who stood all by himself manically giggling. Moving on from this weirdo he watched in confusion as a tall man with long greyish-silver hair and a ridiculously long sword who seemed to have forgotten to put a shirt on underneath his long back trench-coat flipped his way past fighting a short young man (well, kid really) with a strange purple turtleneck and black cargo pants combination on and blond hair that rather resembled a chickens backside.

'_Moving swiftly on…'_ Leif thought, eye twitching slightly. Finally the sound of drunken singing caught his attention. Looking round to see where it came from his eyes were presented with the sight of two platinum haired twenty-something's, one in red who had, like the black-trench-coat-man, forgotten to put on a shirt. The other was dressed rather more formally in a long blue silk coat and a fancy looking black high-necked shirt. Two swords sat innocently to their right, one huge and ominous looking, complete with skull motif on the tang(1). The other was a slim, deadly looking katana. Both males were currently sitting at a grimy wooden table which had an assortment of cutlery on top as well as two overflowing beer tankards, arms around the others shoulders, singing at the tops of their lungs about how great it was to be brothers. Curiosity soon won out over Leif's sense of self preservation and he edged closer to the two drunken males. When he reached them he was just in time for the cessation of their enthusiastic singing, he watched in slight fear and confusion as the blue-coated one slurred out

"Y're th' bes' D'nte. I l've yooooouuuu!" He grinned as he said this and smoothly palmed a butter knife from of the table and planted it firmly between the now surprised looking red-coated one's ribs. As blood began to seep from the wound the one without a shirt glanced down, frowned and muttered,

"Tha' w'sn' ver' nice…" To which the blue-coated one just smiled beatifically and replied, "'s Jus' h'w I show 'ffection."

That seemed to be enough for the one in red and soon both silver-haired freaks were back to singing uproariously. Finally beginning to fear for his life around these people (Even though they didn't know he existed…) Leif moved away quietly. A fanfare from the other side of the hall caught his attention. As the hubbub around him died down Leif turned to look at the source of this noise, his mouth fell open s he stared in bewilderment…

-

The tang of a sword is basically its hilt…

Okay, just 'cause I feel guilty about making you wait so long, and 'cause I'm a curious bugger, I've decided to have a little competition! The first three people to successfully list all the characters referred to in this fanfic over the last two chapters, will get a oneshot written on anything they like. It doesn't have to be comedy, it can be tragedy, horror, anything you like…except romance, I can't write romance. And it can be for any characters out of any fandom realm you like . So come on and comment! You never know…you might get a story out of it! Hah! Fear my exploitation!


	4. IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE

Authors Note:

My sincere apologies to anyone who was waiting for an update – I feel it should come as no surprise by now that it's not likely to happen. I'm very sorry – I had noble intentions, but life was not quite so obliging. School and a lot of family drama followed/concurrent to sorting out university just killed any creative drive I might once have claimed. I've only very recently started to have the time and inclination to write again. I am sorry, I should have at least made this clear earlier – I kept hoping I'd get round to updating, you know?

I'm afraid that I have, at this stage, largely forgotten what I intended all of these stories to be and where I wanted the plot to go – for most of them I didn't _have_ a coherent plot worked out. It is possible that at some time later I will get a spark of inspiration and come back to these, but as things stand I am sorry to announce that these projects are officially cancelled.

My apologies,

Dana


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